From: Columbia Missourian Mini-Mo

 What is the tallest building in the city?
The library. It has the most stories.

What animal can you put into the washing machine?
A wash-and-werewolf.

What does a moose get when he lifts weights?
Moosies.

Why don’t you iron a four-leaf clover?
You might press your luck.

Where did the inventor of the toupee get his ideas?
Off the top of his head.

Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.

Why did the orange go to the doctor?
He wasn’t peeling very well.

 What kind of medicine does a pig take?
Oinkment.

When is the best time to long jump?
In a leap year.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he was feeling crummy.

What kind of candy do kids eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
You pick it.

When is a car door not a car door?
When it’s ajar.

What is the bee’s favorite soap opera?
Days of Our Hives.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because their kids have to play inside.

How did the skunk call home?
On his smellular phone.

What evidence do you have that you were built upside down?
Your nose runs and your feet smell.

If you are an American outside of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom?
European.

What did Snow White say when she was waiting for her photos?
Some day my prints will come.

Where do rabbits go after they get married?
On a bunnymoon.

What TV show is about investigating mysterious cattle?
The Ox-Files.

What word starts with "e," ends with "e," and only has one letter in it?
Envelope.

If a carrot and a cabbage ran a race, who would win?
The cabbage would because it is a head.

What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.

How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.

What do you call a cold puppy sitting on a rabbit?
A chili dog on a bun.

What do you call a fish with two legs?
A two-knee fish.

When is a basketball player like a baby?
When he dribbles.

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub. I’m drowning.

What day do chickens hate the most?
Fry-day.

What is a squirrel’s favorite ballet?
"The Nut Cracker"

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a spider?
A hare net.

How did the rodeo horse get so rich?
He had a lot of bucks.

How many jellybeans can you put in an empty jar?
Only one, after all, the jar isn’t empty anymore.

What did the computer do in the cafeteria?
It had a byte.

What has wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

Why does the ocean roar?
You would to if you had crabs in your bed.

What does the Sun drink out of?
Sunglasses.

How is the Sun like a black eye?
Both are shiners.

What is the difference between one yard and two?
Usually a fence.

Is a hammer a useful tool in math class?
No. But multi-pliers are.

Where does the cow artist put his paintings?
In the moooseum.

Why do fish have such huge phone bills?
When they get on the line, they can’t get off.

What did one sandwich say to the other?
Boy, you’re full of bologna.

Why did the man wear a rabbit on his head?
He didn’t want anyone to harm a hare on his head.

Why did the man pour veggies all over the world?
He wanted peas on earth.

What did the flea say to the other flea?
Should we walk or take the dog?

If a snake and an undertaker got married, what would their towels say?
Hiss and hearse.

What do pigs do after school?
Their hamwork.

Where did the chicken go on her vacation?
Sandy Eggho.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.

What do you get when you stack toads together?
A toadempole.

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do mayflowers bring?
Pilgrims.

Why do soccer players have so much trouble eating popcorn balls?
They think they can’t use their hands.

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